1. |
Alarm Clock Radio
02:16
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We were counting exits in the desert chasing tail lights, the color in our cheeks a shade too weak to face for sale signs, and I swear everything you said felt like a landmine. And in the moment, well, I couldn’t shake the fever or the tan line. All your friends still think I’m dead, torn denim on a chain link fence. I told my mom that you were gone and now I've never heard a pause so long. I hope the floorboards in your new house sing my songs. I bet the people in your new life love my dog. I miss having the time to… I miss having the time, too.
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2. |
Trust Exercise
02:38
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Text me when you get home, or, call it out through your window. See which one gets to me first, then watch it slip through my fingers. How can you be so sure, your confidence a habit learned and all at once fit in its place? How can you be so unafraid? All my scattered thoughts and envy cast down at your side, and you looking at me like it’s nothing to hide. But I’m not so sure. I’ll take your word.
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3. |
Couples Therapy
02:31
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She’s seeing faces in inanimate objects and having trouble trying to keep me clean. I am answering yes or no questions to the best of my ability. She says you have to breathe in and believe it if you’re going to get anywhere. I tell her what I told everyone: I think it’s weird that I should care, but I should care.
And so I struggle with my sense of conviction, and have no idea how it comes across. And the sound all alone of your voice on the phone, I don’t know, it feels like something’s off. I think you have your reasons, or your demons, or some point you feel you need to make. I still feel the way I used to feel but without anything else left to say.
I’m through with half believing and I can’t take one more appeal to my underwhelming, all important, house-on-fire thoughts distorted. I can’t make sense of why you’d want to dig in so deep to how we got here. It’s just not worth the time and energy. All she said was, “Be a friend to me.”
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4. |
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If I know you, you’ll be counting back the hours and invent anew a story to retell yourself, some kind of mental cold shower, if it’s what you need; what you believe. It’s not a secret like you say. What kind of difference does it make? Am I supposed to be the type to support you in the lie, and wait for you? I can but no amount of tools in hand or castles in the sand will make it true.
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5. |
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A quiet place to lay your head down, return to that awful dream that you still can’t believe. And even if you wait the days out, there’s no escaping everything that I knew this would be. But I’m not sorry that I’m not hurting anymore. I’ve not got to offer anything I’ve given up before. There’s just no telling what you will do. I’m still not used to seeing you in every shade of grey, of green, of blue. I bet it’s harder than you ever thought it’d be. I bet you miss me.
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6. |
Ghost Dream (Recurring)
01:42
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I’ve still got pictures of myself smiling with people I don’t recognize, boxes of cassette tapes and books you lent me once upon a time. I see you screaming in my sleep in the middle of the street, but as hard as I try I can’t make out just what you’re saying. And I don’t want to see the evidence that anyone has of me. I want to be a ghost, so I am, someone nobody knows, if I can.
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7. |
Echolocation Song
02:06
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These days all my dreams are car wrecks, shortness of breath, and cold sweats. I’ve stayed scarce this last year, I guess, yes. I’ve made clear when I am not my best; confessed. I’m going home if you aren’t, against all odds. Blacked out again at the bar, and I’m not too lost in the crowd to say it. You don’t have to be so complicated.
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8. |
Metro
02:48
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Sometimes you get scared when you feel happy because you don’t know how long that feeling will last. You tell me awful things you think are gonna happen, remind me all that you have been through in the past. You really know how to kill a mood. I don’t know why you think I know what you should do. All the maps that you had that you spread across the bedroom floor. All the ways that you were thinking, you’re not thinking anymore. I guess it’s not your fault. If you’re really going to leave the city you’re packing light, leaving at night and all alone. Somewhere in the desert it’s beginning. It doesn’t matter if you’re right, you’re going home. You really know how to lose your cool. A couple hundred dollars later, are you learning anything? You talk in patterns of behavior but what could you really mean? I guess it’s not your fault. You meant so well, after all. Now you’re a shadow on my wall.
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9. |
Departure Fatigue
02:45
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I know it feels bad. If you have to hear it, you hear it from me. I’m thinking of leaving. I don’t trust parked cars or praise or myself thinking of you for days. And I know it’s not great, a phone call from the station, the sound of the train. I’m thinking of leaving. I can’t hardly move my arm for the pain. I can’t seem to hold myself in place. The feeling swells so fast, the heat in the air and the wind at my back. It’s hard not to get lost in all of it. Now I feel the same need I’m too scared to believe. And I don’t see why you should care, misread the tension in the air, and tell everyone that I know (some awfully convenient scapegoats) acting as if you’re unaware. And I’m not sure that you can tell anymore what I’m feeling.
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lucas britton Los Angeles, California
music for sharing and/or dancing
email me:
lucasilso@yahoo.com
lucas britton recommends:
when i grow up
by tuesday, 1996
the honest work of a good pal i knew once
go to album
songs for suburban teenagers vol. 2
by Pens, Pencils, and Writing Utensils
outstanding and inspiring music for running away from your enemies
go to album
Forget About It
by Horse Movies
the reason my discography jumps from 2015 to 2018 and also probably the coolest thing i'll ever think i did
go to albumIf you like Facility, you may also like:
All Those Things I Thought I Knew
by emzae
Singer-songwriter and producer's debut album is filled with '90s and Y2K-era influenced pop tracks.
go to album
Under The Weather
by Candy Moore
Sweetly melancholy bedroom pop is rarely as actually vulnerable and personal as it is in this Australian artist's hands.
go to album
Sophie Negrini's longrunning Janelane project reaches new heights of dreamy power pop perfection on an upcoming full-length.
go to album
