1. |
Hands Full
02:20
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a couple cans, a pack, a fire. a couple old tired desires and a few feelings that I don’t know. hands full of reasons not to go home. a mess of laughs, a little while. impatience, patience, and denial. a couple habits that I still have. hands full of reasons not to go back. and I just don’t want to be anybody’s anything. I just don’t want to want.
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2. |
Repairs
02:01
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won’t you play all of your little games with my heart? I don’t want to be some tiny part of somebody’s silly dream-gone-too-far. lie to me with all the honesty that you can fake. I don’t want to make the same mistakes. I’m selfish and I’m sorry. I’m awake. I used to see everyone each night. now I dream everyone these nights. won’t you tear all of my insides out through my skin, and hope nobody asks me where I’ve been? tell me, who’s your new part time boyfriend? I went out last night to lose some money trying to fill this soul. I tried to drive us home; I lost control. which one of us is doing what he’s told? I used to see everyone each night. now I dream everyone these nights.
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3. |
Everything I've Done
03:00
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all these ashes and my broken bones, all my stories too many times retold, all the promises I knew I’d break, and all the gravity I pulled away from, everything I’ve done. like all my dreams I shot up at the stars from my passenger seat in some parked car, all the games that I was one to play. with the wind on all those summer days: gone. like everything I’ve done. I know that I should make more time for sleep but I don’t want to see you in my dreams. all these travelin’ kids and someone’s dog, all this crazy shit and ‘oh my god.’ I can’t hold onto it if it’s not real, like all the feelings I’m afraid to feel (but one) and everything I’ve done. it’s all garbage and ‘I’m sorry’s and luck, all my belongings in a beat up truck, all the memories too heavy to pull. just some weak idiot, some disrespectful son and everything he’s done. I know that I should make more time for sleep but I don’t want to see you in my dreams.
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4. |
A Secret
02:57
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well, I guess I’m never coming back. and if you never see me again I don’t feel bad. whenever means whatever. whatever means cut me some slack.
then I guess you’re busy for the night. well if you’re really sleeping alone then that’s alright. fill me in means kill me. kill me means just let me hide.
and it’s a secret if you’ll keep it. it’s a secret if you’ll keep it.
I think I’m waking up from the dream, and if I can’t remember or if I don’t fall back asleep, don’t think I can means don’t ask. don’t ask means I’ve said everything.
then I guess you’ve opened up your eyes. but if you’re really just looking for some new disguise, you’re coming clean and I’m filthy. I’m filthy, shower me with lies.
and it’s not hard to but I won’t argue. it’s not hard but I won’t argue. there’s just no reason you’re not leaving.
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5. |
Playing Strange
02:18
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how many more face to face conversations do you have left from now on until before you lose your patience, if you had to guess? you’ve been acting differently. you’ve been playing strange. you’ve been hiding from it in your sleep. I’ve been doing the same. how many more of these dreams-so-realistic will keep you up before you’re sore and all too weak to keep your distance, to hold your bluff? you’ve been acting interested. you’ve been playing along. you’ve been feeling like yourself again. I’ve just been hanging on.
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6. |
A Simple Trick
02:32
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it’s a slippery slope. it’s a long way down. it’s an easy way. it’s an easy way out. it’s just a simple trick; it’s in my back pocket, and it’s a pretty shitty way for me to forget. it’s like all the trash we save just to have something to say. a somewhat casual thing: to decide to be deceived. everything thing I would and everything I would be. it’s such a long hallway. it’s an extended stay. it’s a dream that won’t go away. another couple steps, I’m sneaking up on it. it’s all of these habits your muscles never forget, and all the trash we save to have something to say.
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7. |
Lemon Cookie
02:56
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well, this dance party’s for you. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when all my friends passed out. what a mess here that we make for ourselves to clean up the next day and sort everything out. well, you’re not sorry if I’m really gone when you’ve been trying so hard to move on. move on. well, I ate a little piece of that shit jason gave me, and I’m feeling it now when despite how hard I look I can’t find what it is you took and you’re nowhere to be found. do you feel anything for me? or is it your stupid handwriting that makes me think maybe you think of me, that makes me forget how things seem to be, and makes you real, makes you something I think I can feel?
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8. |
Pretending To
02:48
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I’ve been hanging out with ghosts in the corner of your eye. I’ve been watching you as you’ve been walking by. and I’ve been talking in my sleep, some bullshit romantic things. I’ve been terrified that you just might hear me. but I’m gonna wear your sweater and put all of these friends in your shoes. I don’t feel any better I’m just pretending to. I’ve been kicking it with sharks and now everyone’s aware. I’m the only one who really seems to care. and I’ve been looking in your room like I’ve always wanted to. I like it better in my dreams and so do you. okay, I’m working on this tether anyway. rubber bands and glue. it’s hard now to remember if you’re pretending, too. are you pretending too?
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9. |
Learn to Deal
02:39
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why is this the only thing I really want? I really want to stay; can’t help but go away. and how could you, so unamused, sit by my side and wait? won’t you go away? all my fears are coming clear so I can learn to deal. all my dreams are inbetween what I think is and what I want to be real. why is this the only thing I really need? I really need to go, won’t you drive me home? now how could they, from far away, look into me and see all I’ve been trying to be? all my fears are coming clear so I can learn to deal. all my dreams are inbetween what I think is and what I want to be real.
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10. |
Self Deception Song
02:51
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victim of my own deceit, I feel every feeling but relief. this is not a place that you should sleep. I wasted all of my own on dreams, people I never thought I’d meet. we are young but we can be beat. all I’m asking of you tonight is to let me make decision that aren’t mine. they are not mine to make. these rules aren’t mine to break. we don’t mean to make mistakes but that’s what we all do. and ‘we all’ includes you. I don’t want to hear the truth.
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11. |
May Be Fine
02:36
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all these empty spaces you don’t occupy when someone else ain’t fucking busy almost half the time, well they’ve been asking me who’s been hiding behind your eyelids and who your sheets smell like tonight. maybe it’s fine. all this suburban distance that you left behind, young and full of running or, running out of time, well it’s been testing me and I can’t do the math. subtract your foolish future from your forgotten past. maybe it’s fine.
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lucas britton Los Angeles, California
music for sharing and/or dancing
email me:
lucasilso@yahoo.com
lucas britton recommends:
when i grow up
by tuesday, 1996
the honest work of a good pal i knew once
go to album
songs for suburban teenagers vol. 2
by Pens, Pencils, and Writing Utensils
outstanding and inspiring music for running away from your enemies
go to album
Forget About It
by Horse Movies
the reason my discography jumps from 2015 to 2018 and also probably the coolest thing i'll ever think i did
go to albumIf you like lucas britton, you may also like:
Split Screen EP
by Walk Home Drunk, Comité balnéaire
This split EP from two France-based musicians is a gem, both artists recalling the glory days of slowcore in their heart-tugging melodies.
go to album
Providence, Rhode Island artist El Valerie delivers nine tracks of pure, blissful bedroom pop with an electronic twist.
go to album
sleeping giant
by kissed her little sister
More tender, uplifting bedroom pop from Jeff Morisano, built around a satisfyingly wooly lo-fi sound.
go to album
