1. |
Racing Hearts
03:36
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I’ve been cutting to the bone to see if something new will grow. you’ve been hanging your head low for reasons I don’t know. I’ve been washing off my skin to fit a few more feelings in. you’ve been promising again, and eating all my friends. what’s the use in trying to leave? everybody here knows me. running doesn’t seem to do a single thing. they’ll just catch up with me. I lost myself while driving home (a street I usually leave alone). racing hearts and skipping stones. some of you’ll never even know. you’ve been pulling all my strings. I’ve been reading off the screens. I’ve been keeping my cuts clean so I’ll be ready to cut free.
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2. |
Caffeine Dreams
02:11
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excuse me, kaitlyn, I’ve been making up what? I’ve been dreaming; you’ve been waking me up. no more coffee; it’s freaking me out. you’ve been leaving; I keep hanging around caffeine dreams and these feelings. excuse me, kaitlyn. I’m just trying to get by. you haven’t noticed; I’ve been changing my size. no more coffee; it’s making me sick. I’ve been anxious. you’ve been nonexistent. caffeine dreams and these feelings, they don’t do much for me, but they’re easier than you to believe.
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3. |
The Parade
01:54
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everybody looks the same, and I’m not mixing fingers with anybody else’s paint. I’m not taking anything. everybody looks at me, and I’m trying hard to keep my glasses clean. I’m not making love with anything or trying to point that out. that’s one less thing to think about. everybody’s whispering and I imagine they just don’t want me to hear them sing. embarrassment is such a silly thing. everybody moves along and it’s like they know each word to life’s simplest song. I just must not have my glasses on ‘cause I can’t figure it out. that’s one more thing for me to doubt. why do you all do these things to me? and why aren’t I doing anything to stop you (or even not to)?
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4. |
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I’m ‘someone help me’ hungry and ‘forget about it’ thin. I’m trying to be honest but it’s too late to begin. I’m cold and lonely always, and melodramatic, right? I’m scared of what I’ll become in the middle of the night. I’m ‘please don’t leave me!’ nervous and ‘oh, fuck off!’ confused. I’m trying to quit bad habits now but, clearly, what’s the use? I’m panicked world-end selfish; I’m never again old. I’m scared I’ll still be singing when I swallow myself whole. when I swallow myself whole I hope no one notices at all, dancing all night at their sunset carnival.
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5. |
Watching
04:00
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lately I’ve been overwhelmed, finding it difficult to tell whether I’m dreaming or not, and when the dreaming stops. and I just can’t stay on my feet, falling through to what’s beneath, until everything I see is rising right by me. I’ve been watching you, and I wonder if you’ve been watching me, too. I’ve been barely scraping by on these rations of your time, and holding on to hope, trying to stay afloat. I guess I’ve been scraping by. I haven’t got that much time left. and I don’t mean no disrespect, that’s just the way I talk. I mistake an awful lot. I’ve been watching you, and I wonder if you’ve been watching me, too.
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6. |
fig. 2
02:07
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am I some idiot because I don’t know what to do - I’ve got my mind made up on how I feel about you and how you must feel for me (such passive aggressive things) - and I can’t figure how to find my own way out? am I just some child because I turn the other way, made too sick to think about something that could end so many ways, and hide behind my hands (such weak and defeated stance), and I can’t figure how to find my own way out?
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7. |
Suburban Park
03:18
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I am a flickering streetlight. I’m a watch, ten seconds behind. and you are the fall, the backdrop to this all. I’m a dream you think you’ve had before. you’re several things I’m trying to ignore. together we are this whole suburban park. the hardest part of a selfish heart is knowing when to pretend you could stand to be apart. I’m a shaking hand holding the keys. you’re a second glance at everything. I’m just skin and bone; you’re just silence and cell phones. you’re the earthquake now beneath my feet. I’m the changing tides within this sea. together we are one thing, falling apart. the hardest part of a brand new start is knowing which way is a mistake, and when you’ve gone too far.
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8. |
A Boomerang, A Flu
02:28
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it seems I catch you once a year: a boomerang, a flu. appear at my side door, and knocking. I don’t know what you want, kid. I don’t know why you think I’ve got it. and when I see you you’re surprised and your eyes keep looking for my eyes. let me prepare and pack up. give me another six months. give me nothing, or give me enough. this whole town is giving me that look, like, ‘we kept track of what you took.’ I’m not that phone that’s ringing. I am nobody’s reason. I’m just a soul, and I am weak, and you all know me. who’s to say it’s a good thing? ‘it’s a good thing.’ ‘it’s a good thing.’ ‘it’s a good thing.’ it seems I catch you once a year: a falling star, a break. I’m here but you’re already past it. I dream about bad habits and everything I take for granted.
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lucas britton Los Angeles, California
music for sharing and/or dancing
email me:
lucasilso@yahoo.com
lucas britton recommends:
when i grow up
by tuesday, 1996
the honest work of a good pal i knew once
go to album
songs for suburban teenagers vol. 2
by Pens, Pencils, and Writing Utensils
outstanding and inspiring music for running away from your enemies
go to album
Forget About It
by Horse Movies
the reason my discography jumps from 2015 to 2018 and also probably the coolest thing i'll ever think i did
go to albumIf you like Sunset Carnival, you may also like:
Waiting For U (ZTAPES)
by Candy Moore
From the bedroom pop gatekeepers at Z Tapes comes an airy yet sophisticated record from Melbourne.
go to album
Sugar World (members of Naps) make fizzy twee pop with acerbic charm and wry hooks.
go to album
No More Summer Songs
by Phantom Handshakes
Heavenly dream pop from New York, Phantom Handshakes surround tender melodies with cloud-like keys & guitar.
go to album
