1. |
To Disappear
02:16
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I’ve been learning how to disappear so that you won’t find me here; from where I’ve been to where I’ll go: somewhere else where no one knows my name, somewhere else where someone feels the same, a place where I don’t have to play your game.
I’ve been trying for a chance to be someone you won’t want to see, from moving on to moving out. Somewhere else that no one knows about; losing sleep on someone else’s couch and packing my suitcase full of your doubt.
But I can’t keep this silly simple dream to be invisible. I just can’t keep track of time. I can’t take a step back from my mind.
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2. |
Don't Call it Dancing
02:04
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Don’t call it dancing when you’re so far away. Don’t call it staying in touch when you’ve nothing to say. And don’t you call me, either. Don’t call me Bruce. Don’t call it taking a chance when you’ve nothing to lose. Don’t set your eyes on me, I’m not what you’re looking for. If you don’t want to be my neighbor, then don’t move in next door. And don’t you know me either? I don’t know you at all. Don’t call it jumping in, you’ve no further to fall.
I tried to be one thing, but it seems the only way to give your heart is to fall mostly apart.
Don’t call it charming if I’m just some asshole. If you don’t really mean it, don’t call it casual. And don’t you know the difference; see this for what it is? Don’t just keep saying ‘sorry,’ there’s nothing to forgive. Don’t make a fool of me if you’ve made us fools before. If you really liked your sand castle you should’ve stayed further from shore. Now don’t you call me nervous. Don’t call me by my name. Don’t make us both go home, that’s no place to stay. I tried to be one thing, but it seems the only way to give your heart is to fall mostly apart.
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3. |
Can't Hardly
01:12
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I can’t hardly get by. What was your outlook on life when you were my age? I’m sticking to my feet and everyone’s sticking to me like kids on parade. Where did I leave off? I’m falling apart and I just can’t stop losing track of who I am. I’m asking that bloodshot mirror-man what we’re doing here. I can’t stay settled for this long; I’m inventing things where none are wrong. Some new year. Where did I leave off? I’m falling apart and I just can’t stop falling apart. I just can’t stop.
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4. |
Mind Too Busy
04:24
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I’ve been running out of dreams. I haven’t eaten in a week. I’ve been waiting for you to come along and help finish this song, so I’ve been looking at my home and contemplating everyone I know. I’ve been wondering who really exists and what the difference is, but I can’t make up my mind. It’s too busy running all the time. I need your help.
Well I’ve been practicing goodbyes (hold my voice steady, look in your eyes) but I don’t know if it will really help; if I want this to go well. The way we lie about these things has really got me wondering if the distance is all that keeps us apart; and what to tell my heart. But I can’t make up my mind-too-busy. I need your help.
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5. |
Between Me & You
02:59
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You won’t even see me. I don’t want to be these things and you say, “but they’re so tempting.” You can’t even be here. I can’t hardly see clearly. And you say, “it’s like all these things you think you knew.” And all these things between me and you are getting old. All I want’s some reason why I don’t notice seasons change and you say, “’cause they’re all the same.” I don’t even know you. It’s like your make-up and hair-do and you say, “it’s just some game.” I thought I knew. And this little game between me and you is getting old. And I think about it almost all the time: Between Me and You, you left me behind.
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6. |
Uncertainty Song
02:48
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Now that I’m not acting anymore I’m not so sure that I just need you here always or crawling on the floor, not so sure that I won’t spill my guts in the hallway. Now that I’m unhealthy as before, I’m back and forth with these steps-away I’m taking. And I’ll see you, of course, but I’m not so sure it’s your time that I’m wasting.
I don’t know where to wake up, or how to know the difference.
I don’t know how I know you, or even if I really do.
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7. |
Learn to Speak
02:40
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8. |
Phantom Amputee
02:40
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Well,
I’ve been holding up these arms in panic and alarm, but everyone keeps running right by me. And I’m not quite sure how to say, “I don’t feel much better today,” so please stop asking me. I just want to know you. I just want to see. I don’t want an answer if that answer isn’t me. So,
I’ve been eating up my guns, been running scared from everyone. I don’t want to be no phantom amputee.
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9. |
That I Was Strong
01:56
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Oh, how I wish that I was strong; a bigger man than I have ever been before; a bigger man than you’d mistake me for. And how I wish that I could sing and make a melody of everything that I’ve been thinking this whole damn year. But nobody wants to be a silly fool like me, so how I wish that I was sharp; a quicker wit, more perceptive than you could dream (the kid who knows just what you mean.) And how I wish that I could know just where it is that all these thoughts go that I’ve been thinking this whole damn year.
Oh how I wish that I was strong, honest, not impatient at all;
And how I wish that I was sharp, not chasing shadows in the dark.
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10. |
For the Record
03:09
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For all the backyards in the dark/cars at capacity we parked, the automatic light has gone asleep now, for the night, and left us alone. For all the lighters that we’ve lost/careless litter that we’ve tossed, the youngsters that we’ve been are quietly creeping into identities they don’t know. So will you see me when I’m dead with some silk pillow underneath my head? And will you remember me when I was 19? I’m already starting to forget. Now, somebody’d better write this down. And now, everybody else is following themselves like a mirror merry-go-round. So will you see me in my bed with some silly dream dancing in my head? And will you remember being in time with me? Well, I hope that this never ends. Somebody, write this down.
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lucas britton Los Angeles, California
music for sharing and/or dancing
email me:
lucasilso@yahoo.com
lucas britton recommends:
when i grow up
by tuesday, 1996
the honest work of a good pal i knew once
go to album
songs for suburban teenagers vol. 2
by Pens, Pencils, and Writing Utensils
outstanding and inspiring music for running away from your enemies
go to album
Forget About It
by Horse Movies
the reason my discography jumps from 2015 to 2018 and also probably the coolest thing i'll ever think i did
go to albumIf you like Empty Carousel, you may also like:
Waiting For U (ZTAPES)
by Candy Moore
From the bedroom pop gatekeepers at Z Tapes comes an airy yet sophisticated record from Melbourne.
go to album
Johanna Samuels writes introspective and empathetic songs that explore authenticity with lovely, low-key pop melodies.
go to album
Elizabeth Morris of Allo Darlin’ returns with a new group! “Winter Sun” is a tender blend of pastoral folk and diary-like lyrics.
go to album
